Everybody's Free (To Buy iBook)

Jul 26, 1999

With due acknowledgment to the Chicago Tribune's Mary Schmich, who penned the original words, and to everyone involved in the making of the hit Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen), including producers Baz Luhrmann and Anton Monsted, and performers Lee Perry and Quindon Tarver, here is a unique version of the Desiderata- styled soliloquy written especially for the newest member of the Macintosh family.

So if you've got the original CD, pop it into your CD tray and enjoy it while you read this. Here we go:

“Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’99…

Buy the iBook.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
iBook would be it.

The long-term benefits of iBook have been proved
by a prominent iCEO, and its shock resistance by his
trampoline-jumping V-P, whereas the rest of my
advice has no basis more reliable than my own
meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your iBook.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power
and beauty of your iBook until it ships in September.
But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of
yourself using an iBook and recall in a way you can’t
grasp now how much possibility lay before you and
how fabulous you really looked with your iBook.
You are not as geeky you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know
that worrying is as effective as trying to solve a
Windows glitch by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind, the kind that
blindside you at midnight on some idle Friday
like December 31, 1999.
 
Do one thing every day that scares Bill Gates.

Sing like David Pogue.

Don’t rant at other people’s OS choices.
Don’t put up with people who rant at yours.

Floss. Mentally.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes we’re ahead, sometimes we’re behind.
And then sometimes we get ahead again.
The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive.
Unsubscribe from junk e-mail.
If you succeed in doing the second, tell me how.

Keep your old Macs. Throw away your old PCs.

Stretch your dollar. Buy a Mac.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to 
do with your life. (At least you got iMac.)
The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives.
(No one comes to mind right now, though.)
Some of the most interesting 40-odd-year-olds I know
still don’t. (Like deciding whether to take up a CEO
position permanently or not.)

Drink plenty of mineral water. Dress cool.
You’ll miss black turtlenecks and faded jeans
when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry on the Internet,
maybe you won’t.
Maybe you’ll have children on QuickTime TV,
maybe you won’t.
Maybe you’ll run a fruit company at 40,
maybe you’ll still be learning Windows 2000
on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself
too much, or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your iBook.
Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it
or of what other people think of it.
It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

LANs.

Even if you can’t decide whether to do it in your own
living room, from your couch, your backyard deck, a
shady lawn outside your dorm, or anywhere else up to
150 feet from an AirPort Hardware Access Point.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read PC magazines.
They will only make you feel stupid.

Get to know your parents. You never know when
they’ll be generous enough to buy you an iBook.
Be nice to your siblings. Ditto.
They’re your best bet for a loan and the people
least likely to stiff you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,
and e-mail addresses may change,
but with a precious few you should hold on.
Learn to use the Internet to bridge the gaps
in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get,
the more you need the people younger than you
to help you get online.

Live in New York City once,
but leave once they no longer have Macworld there.
Live in Northern California once,
but leave once the folks from Redmond move in.

Travel. With iBook, that’s easy.

Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will fall. Computer speeds will double.
You, too, will end up with an old model someday.
And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you
bought it new, prices were reasonable, the features
were hot, and consumers respected their vendors.

Respect your vendors.

Don’t expect anyone else beyond the
returning hordes of developers to support you.
Maybe you have Explorer. Maybe you have Office 98.
But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time
you’re 40, you’ll look like Bill Gates.
When he was 25.

Be careful whose iMac you buy;
do not condone those who imitate it.
Plagiarism is a lame form of flattery. It is a way of
fishing the best features from the original,
ripping it off, adding on ugly parts and reselling it
for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the iBook.”

---

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